The Magic Penguin

lesbianlion:

this is incredibly good

(via hushpupper)

hungwy:

friska-freak:

nogirlfriend:

*spins my clothes in a wet metal tube then bakes them in a different metal tube to undo the wetness*

in literature this is called defamiliarization so congrats this post is officially a literary masterpiece  

In my house its called laundry! Thank you!

(via trust)

rosewillow82:

otabckaltyn:

In class today, Trump was somehow brought up and someone said that Trump was a neo-nazi and my professor was like, “Trump hasn’t ever said he was a neo-nazi” and another kid said, “I was still gay before I started calling myself gay!” and realized what he said and he looked just mortified but it was the greatest response to anything I’ve ever heard

When trump makes you so angry that you ram down the closet door to call out some bs

(via tyleroakley)

ominouslymathematical:

quitbeingbanished:

Okay, because I’m nostalgic.

So history lesson, my parents got a divorce because my Dad had an affair with another man. I knew for a bit I was into girls and boys. So when deciding how to come up with the best way to break the news to my mom I did the following.

We were watching Star Wars: Return of the jedi. I paused the VHS at a point I’d practiced for days.

“Mom, I have to tell you something”

“Right now but-”

“It’s important.”

“Alright, make it quick.”

“Mom, I’m…I’m Gay–” (pressed play as…)

GLORIOUS

(via liminalwoman)

rosedosed:

aorticarchnemesis:

hentired:

Bada bing

Babadook

(via billiejoearmstrong)

lgunity:

gay culture is trying to telepathically communicate to visibly gay people you see in public that you’re one of them

(via perks-of-being-chinese)

intergalacticboner:

me: hey mom look what i got

mom: it better not be a frog

me:

(via nearlywise)

jjtaylor:

samandriel:

samandriel:

samandriel:

samandriel:

my rooster doesn’t crow when the sun rises, he crows when he hears humans wake up, like you can literally just roll over in bed and he’s like “hoLY SHIT THAT’S A PEOPLE THE HUMAN ISAWAKE AHHH AHHH AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH”

the same rooster - god guys he’s so cute - he always lets hens eat treats first and won’t have any treats until they’ve had as much as they want, unless it’s a blueberry. shit, blueberries are like serious fucking business for Pharaoh. he’s a gentleman until the damn blueberries come out and then he don’t play no fuckin games

in case you were wondering this is him

It’s been almost a year since I made this post so I guess I should update you guys on Pharaoh!

He’s still a sweetie but with more attitude and will fuck up your shit if he’s grumpy or if you’re wearing shoes with shoelaces. He doesn’t like that. He watches Netflix with me a lot and cries anytime theres explosions or gunshots in a show. He has so many chicken lady friends who he adores and he has fathered 4 chicks. I tried to train him to walk on a leash but he protested by laying down and refusing to move, so we gave that up after a while. He likes to guard me from cars and squirrels, and even plastic bags (which are his worst fear)

Quality rooster

(via tyleroakley)